that ole time religion: dedicated to Chelan'gat & Caron
my friend reminded me of this quote from Sister Act 2:
LORD! SEND A REVIVAL & LET IT BEGIN WITH ME!
(if you're lucky enough to have friends that feed your spirit, remind you of your beauty & reflect the Divine power that is GOD say "amen" right now & send a prayer of thanksgiving)
i had a waking dream last night and realized again, when i am in-tune with my inner god i got better control of my inner nigga.
i dreamed i slapped one of my kids for not studying hard enough. the whole scene was overly dramatic; she whined & wailed, i shouted & threw paper. it was operatic. the sheer ferocity of the dream had me stuck in bed, wide-eyed, watching the clock tick way past late.
and what happened? i rushed to work only to find my co-workers in dramatic repose, detailing some ancient ancient anecdote, new to me, of why our checks would now be 2 weeks late....
... ????!!!!!! ..........!!!!!!????
...over the past 4 days i've been fucking mad. angry, at emotional investments whose stock is down, flat & staring at me like, "what's wrong witchu?" angry, cause he's not sad. angry, so i won't be sad no mo. angry at myself for... being in a place & space to make me mad. angry, at the world for shitting on black children. angry, that my friends are everywhere in the world but here. angry, cause muthafukkng management at work is so obviously & unapologetically, trifling. angry, cause black woman is still the mule of the world...
anger!/when it's flaming hot/anger burns to the bitter end/know what i'm talkin bout/..../i said anger, can make you sick children, oh Jesus!/anger destroys your soul
*sigh* it's been 4 days, i'm giving myself 3 mo cause what some folk don't realize is anger has a place & is a necessity of change. see, anger is a kind of "dwelling on/in", ya dig? a cousin of mourning, a shitty-spirited mulling; when bereft of something, anger is the recognition of hurt and the impudence of feelings of entitlement. so often, it's compared to fire for the wrong reasons, cause really the shit is more than dangerous, it's useful.
i need this anger for 3 mo days so i can be strong. so i don't cry & feel sorry for myself; so i don't run around confused & unsure of what to do; so i can move forward. when used correctly, anger will direct & motivate some serious progress. and when you been going through it like i have over the past 3 months, and have a certain "coolness" of understanding (re: early blog subtitled "bite me"), it will usher in some revival-type crunktivity that will blow your metaphysical mind, oh Jesus, yes Lawd, it will.
let it work.
"It takes strength to remember, it takes another kind of strength to forget, it takes a hero to do both."
James Baldwin
amen.
i had a waking dream last night and realized again, when i am in-tune with my inner god i got better control of my inner nigga.
i dreamed i slapped one of my kids for not studying hard enough. the whole scene was overly dramatic; she whined & wailed, i shouted & threw paper. it was operatic. the sheer ferocity of the dream had me stuck in bed, wide-eyed, watching the clock tick way past late.
and what happened? i rushed to work only to find my co-workers in dramatic repose, detailing some ancient ancient anecdote, new to me, of why our checks would now be 2 weeks late....
... ????!!!!!! ..........!!!!!!????
...over the past 4 days i've been fucking mad. angry, at emotional investments whose stock is down, flat & staring at me like, "what's wrong witchu?" angry, cause he's not sad. angry, so i won't be sad no mo. angry at myself for... being in a place & space to make me mad. angry, at the world for shitting on black children. angry, that my friends are everywhere in the world but here. angry, cause muthafukkng management at work is so obviously & unapologetically, trifling. angry, cause black woman is still the mule of the world...
anger!/when it's flaming hot/anger burns to the bitter end/know what i'm talkin bout/..../i said anger, can make you sick children, oh Jesus!/anger destroys your soul
*sigh* it's been 4 days, i'm giving myself 3 mo cause what some folk don't realize is anger has a place & is a necessity of change. see, anger is a kind of "dwelling on/in", ya dig? a cousin of mourning, a shitty-spirited mulling; when bereft of something, anger is the recognition of hurt and the impudence of feelings of entitlement. so often, it's compared to fire for the wrong reasons, cause really the shit is more than dangerous, it's useful.
i need this anger for 3 mo days so i can be strong. so i don't cry & feel sorry for myself; so i don't run around confused & unsure of what to do; so i can move forward. when used correctly, anger will direct & motivate some serious progress. and when you been going through it like i have over the past 3 months, and have a certain "coolness" of understanding (re: early blog subtitled "bite me"), it will usher in some revival-type crunktivity that will blow your metaphysical mind, oh Jesus, yes Lawd, it will.
let it work.
"It takes strength to remember, it takes another kind of strength to forget, it takes a hero to do both."
James Baldwin
amen.
