Loser, Leave (read: Negro, please!)

Wanna hear a Blind Date Story?
first of all, it was impromtu. i was leavin class monday nite & a homie invited me to Outback for some drinks with her boy & "some friends". i'm always on the lookout for my next martini, so i didn't even go home & just brought my books along.
bad sign #1: the too obvious up&down assessment upon my entrance. but i was cool. my brain was still warm from exercise so i engaged in some friendly banter. we talked the usual "getting to know you": politics, origins, what do your tattoos mean. he seemed normal. turns out he's a state legislator. i tried to act impressed cause his expression said i should be. one drink down & the bar was closing.
Her Boyfriend: "Say, everyone come back to my place & I'll mix martinis."
I'm always on the lookout for my next martini, so I didn't go home & brought my books along.
hour2:: Back at Boyfriend's crib, the tv was on mute, house played & lights were dimmed ever so slightly. 2 "couples" talked the usual: boy-grrl relations, compromise & the male ego. It got heated as, these convos tend to, Boyfriend & Homie left to retrieve round 2. A slight chill ran over me. I was alone with him. I knew the smell of this too well. I prepared for his "move". Honestly, I felt bad. I knew he was tentative & tipsy; a awkwardly slim man trying to play cool in his baggy tapered jeans & K-Swiss. He leaned far back into the couch, sipped his beer & smiled. I smiled back & searched for some small talk. Then. He lefted his leg & casually put in my lap, spread eagle, cold chillin. For a moment, I was stuck. Every muscle in my body tensed at once. "Is that uncomfortable for you?" ARe you serious?! I wanted to say so much, all I could get out was "Uh, yeah." Enter Boyfriend & Homie with the drinks. The green vodka concoction said, "Compose & sip me."
hour 3::When we started in again on how life is full of choices, I was slowly resettling. I sipped & sipped as the convo got worse & worse. He was clearly behind some podium nobody else could see. Spit & shit sprewin. The beer was runnin a muck & He was steering.
He2Me:"See women ask for too much. It's obvious you ain't never had a good man."
I looked at my Homie for support. All she had for me was: "You know 'He' was voted among Ebony's top 50 most eligible bachelors."
I couldn't resist one loud, "ha!" It didn't even touch it. It was too easy.
hour 3.5:: Bullshit was still ensuing, but I still had a drink. I was just getting comfortable again, feeling the warmness of intro inebration. "See women ask for too much..." I was secretly hummin "Heard It All Before," & wondering whatever happend to Sunshine Anderson. Then. Then, he started driving his point into my leg. And when he got tired of gesturing he just let it rest... in my lap. Next was the bony elbow, the forearm, then fingers... He was mid-sentence. "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt but could you fall up offa me."
"What?!" Confused & hurt in the face.
"I said 'fall up offa me'. Your elbow is stabbing my thigh. Yeah, thanks. I didn't want to interrupt. Please continue. You were saying that marriage demands certain...ur...things?"
Silence. Boyfriend & Homie laughed amongst themselves. Homie: "Hey, we'll be right back." When they left I thought I heard a soft laughter in the hallway. There was momentary silence in the champagne room.
"You know I was offended that you asked me to remove my leg earlier."
"Really? I was offended that you mistook me for an ottoman."
Silence & liquor sipping.
Enter Boyfriend: "Hey let's watch a movie."
hour4::He is asleep against my shoulder, snoring. I had never seen Faranheit 9/11, so for the 1st hour I hardly noticed. The hyprocisy had me hypnotized. When I did, I leaned forward & let him fall. "Unh? Uh, hey. Lean back, lean back."
"I'm not a fucking pillow. Here," I threw one into his face & slumped to the floor.
hour5:: Everyone is too inebrated & tired to go home. Homie was already asleep in Boyfriend's bed. He & I are lead upstairs to the guestrooms. He abruptly disappears to the bathroom, as I dejewel for bed something told me to close the door. Too late, he entered & was taking off his tattered K Swiss: "Can I sleep with you? I'm not going to make a move on you." (yeah right).
"Uhm, I don't think so." As He sits on the bed. "I'll just take the other bedroom," collecting my earrings & bracelets. He snorts & smirks at my dissent.
Enter Boyfriend: "Everything alright? There are some towels in the bathroom if either of you want to shower."
"Naw, dude. I think Imma just go home. Thanks for everything."
Me:"Wait, I'll make sure my car isn't blocking you in."