huh? when did status change?

i don't know what to do with love anymore. i keep criss-crossing/ will make ya jump jump!/ the line/ it's a thin liiiinnnneee between love & hate/ looking for a place in grey; where i've always felt more suited.

my eyes are wandering the land and my fingers flick the pages of Wisdom

Bibles

Bhagavad Gita

Gibran

Mom's old letters

and i link in directly to god so often s/he's gotta be like, Damn! figure it out i'm just for support!

i look at myself through the shadows of reason & am still trying to understand my raison d'etre. fuck, these days i'm just looking for my raison, my rationale, my inSane mind...

she's there and sometimes i just stifle her, pushing her down til she changes to something prettier, less convoluted & murky.

this man has got me going through it. this man makes me want to sing blues songs, slap his face, hold him, llloooovvveee him, leave him, stuff his mouth, cuss him; (make his mouth form sweet things)(make him make love) take off all my clothes/ here i ammmm, here i AMMM/ the way i've always faced the world/ a wounded bird...

are we both wounded in this nest? yes. are we supposed to be feeding each other? most definitely.... AHHHHHHH!

fill the leaks, tweak the tweaks

stability is for the unevolving/genius is not that : it is what develops on the precipice/

so then is love. the point being, "control" is, as it always was, an illusion...

Mom said, "my concern is your movement forward; you are in a good place."

so why do i feel like my heart is breaking in the progress? why does it have to? i'm sick of learning lessons: "love is what love does," she said. she ain't nevah lied.