just in time for thanksgiving: Jive Turkeys, vrsn.1"stalkers"

(don't let this happen to you. avoid the signs in bold type)

stalkers. i think i figured them out. maybe you were standing in line at your local clubWalGreens. small talk ensues, you smile, respond, make direct eye contact! you're human- female- sweet- attractive- interesting. now every time you go to pick up a pack of tampons, this dude just happens to be there buying a Snickers.
or maybe you thought he was just a normal, intriguing guy so, yeah, you took his number, mayB gave him yours. cool casual convo is a skill afterall. and there's no such thing as too many friends, right?
suddenly, he's calling...ALL THE TIME. and when you don't answer or return their calls, you're hearing slasher-like tones in your phone.
(i.e.)he was a friend of a friend. i took that for a good reference. we had lunch, once. the first sign was deciding where to go. i didn't have a taste for anything in particular so i wanted him to choose. homie turned into vanessa bell calloway a la "coming to america"::
me: "so what kinda food do you like?"
him: "whatever kind of food you like."
me: "sooo...how about jamaican...or maybe chinese, whaddaya think?"
(pause)(i look over and meet his twinkling eyes, i flinch)
him: "i'll eat anything. i'm not really even hungry, but if you wanna eat..."
over jamaican (chosen b/c it was closest to an escape route i knew fairly well) he complimented me too much, too often. after lunch, he made me a paper maiche swan. (yikes!) i dipped soon after. weeks past and i hadn't returned any of his calls. thanksgiving was rolling up. here's the last message he left on my voicemail::
"Hey Neenah, uh, haven't heard from you in a while. I, uh, kinda miss talking to you. (pause) So...call me back or I'm gonna come over there and stuff a turkey down your throat, heehee."
Needless to say...